Hi GK,

You know may have been blessed in some ways but on an emotional level, it's never close. All my life I've screwed up, people teased me, took advantage of me, manipulated me, verbally abused me. Women would take me for grant, I was always told I sucked at everything by my so-called friends. My own father thinks I'm weird or too imaginative, it's this problem that's why it's hard being a people person. I'm too cynical, negative, lazy, and defensive. I thought my life was just crap until I discovered filmmaking/tv. I worked for hours after school as the school cameraman and editor. I was the main guy for video shoots in school, I gained confidence, better grades, a future, even earned an award for filmmaking. This career has saved my sanity and my life. However, my weakness is love. I always had a hard time finding the right woman. The first girl friend I had was when I was 19 and it was a long distance relationship, it was cool but it ended roughly but we became better friends. Then my second relationship, that altered my life. When I was on the verge of college graduation I met this one girl online. She seemed cool, we were friends and then she admitted she had a crush on me. I was interested in someone else, but eventually I choose her. We were an item, I admired her drive, work ethic and confidence. At the time I had a nice job, going to school, had a little freedom. I was doing ok. Until I graduated, my plan was to move to New York from the south. Instead I let my weak heart decide and I changed my plans to move to North Carolina to be with her. It was fine but later no work, losing money, only getting non paying jobs where I was working hard for long hours with no income coming in. My gf grew tired of hearing about me struggling. She would bring up things like I want to be spoiled or compare me to ex boyfriends. I was working out every day and trying to be this perfect man she want me to be. While searching for my dream. I was non stop stress and drama between us both. Soon she began to find fault in me all the time, and exploit my insecurites. At times can be rude when I'm under stress or a lot of pressure but I would still get insulted by her which was uncalled for. I started to lose focus, and build an addictive personality, drinking, smoking, sex you name it. Eventually, I lost control of my life. She broke up with me, and I tried to win her back buying her stuff she wanted with the little money I earn not asking for anything back. Yet it wasn't enough and she made it cleared it's over. Over the years I've done the right thing for people, always tried to be a nice person yet when she broke up with me and insulted me again. I lost control of my morals, ethics and self respect. I did something out of my character and acted out of sheer vengeance. I pulled an awful prank against her. And moved to New York, I failed trying to find a job and ended an alcohol and sex addict. I'm ruining my whole life before my eyes. That's when I found the light. I started going to church, donating money, doing good deeds, joined a self help group for addicts. I called my ex and confess my evil deeds, she no longer wants to speak to me but I deserved that. I can't stop fighting for my dreams is there still hope for me? If there is what should I do?